Living with Open Hearts

January 12, 2025

Jon Carl Lewis (he/him)

Spiritual Director, Princeton Theological Seminary

Queer Christian

He that abides in friendship abides in God, and God in him.

—Aelred of Rievaulx, Spiritual Friendship, I:70

In a culture plagued by epidemic loneliness, Aelred of Rievaulx (whose feast day this is) insists on the love of special friends as a necessary component of our spiritual journey. As the author of Spiritual Friendship, written around 1163/64, Aelred’s guidance of the men in his charge was driven by a personal love frowned upon in religious communities of the day.

Scholars debate whether Aelred fits in the box labeled “homosexual,” yet his plainly expressed homoerotic delight in the friendship of brothers, and his burning devotion for two particular younger monks, shines a Queer light of joy on the choice to embrace what might seem a life of deprivation. He allowed monks who were special friends to hold hands, a display of affection prohibited in other monasteries. At times Aelred’s own love for his brothers grew so hot he would plunge himself in ice water to temper his passions. Aelred on his deathbed was accompanied by all the monks whom he loved so dearly and who loved him in return sitting on his bed. One recalls the words of Jesus: “I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly.” What if we lived with such open hearts, nourished and strengthened by bonds of trust and a common goal to lead with the friendly love of Jesus?

Reflection

Think of a friend. How does Christ stand in your midst, named or not?

How is the bright flame of your friendship a testimony to that eternal love modeled by Jesus and the beloved disciple and Aelred and his flock?

And if you do not yet have such a friend, might you pray for God to grant you such a love?